So remember when I asked in my last post, "What else can go wrong?"....damn murphy's law. Something did go wrong. Not the end of the world but just an extension of this already very, long, ridiculously drawn out nightmare!!!
When I posted last I had gotten a shot of Metho.trexate to help resolve things from our unsuccessful IVF. Things were looking up as my numbers were finally dropping. A week and a half later they went back up. Therefore, I was ordered to get ANOTHER shot. Needless to say I was beside myself emotionally and couldn't even finish the day at work. Turns out I would have had to leave work anyway because I had to drive an hour and a half one-way to get the shot! I happen to live in a relatively small community where ALL of the hospitals are owned by a religious company (no offense out there) that would NOT allow this shot to be given unless I had a diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy....in which case, my doctor informed me, would be TOO LATE FOR THE SHOT!!!! How asinine is that?????? Turns out the doctor who gave it to me was a lovely, lovely women and gave me the nurturing care that I needed in that moment.
Today, two weeks later, although my levels dropped again it did not drop enough over a period of 6 days. So guess what. If it doesn't go down by a 1/3 this coming Monday I will have to get a THIRD shot. At this point I can't even begin to tell you where my head is at except that I am numb and don't even know what to say. As my DH put it, there is nothing left to say. We've screamed, cussed,whined, shaken fists, cried, wailed, gnashed teeth.... what else is there? Except to remain in limbo where my body won't let go and refuses to return to normal so we can continue this blasted journey towards our happy goal. When will that ever happen??? I wish I knew.
I'm so sorry. I'm sitting here, two days past the confirmation that our IVF failed. My beta was not zero, but it was under five, and I was bleeding on the PIO shots. Once I stopped them, my body shut down. So I feel like I am very much in limbo. It's not nearly what you are going through, but I feel a part of what you are feeling... the heartbreak of a failed cycle coupled with a body that will not cooperate in letting go is just too much...
ReplyDeletethe heartbreak must be overwhelming.....hoping for better answers next week. prayers and hugs...
ReplyDelete@ Baby Hopes: I am so so sorry for your loss and what you're going through right now. My heart aches for you and reading your posts just made me so sad as I KNOW what you're feeling as well. It is too much...but time can and will heal...I have my faith in that.
ReplyDelete@ miracle: thanks...it mean a lot.
Oh I feel your pain, it seemed to take forever for my levels to drop. I bled for at least 3 weeks. I am sorry you have to deal with the endless reminder of what could have been. It is so unfair. I hope your levels continue to decrease and that you don't have to have another shot.
ReplyDeleteOh Cherm, I am so sorry! How frustrating and heartbreaking!!! My thoughts are with you!
ReplyDeleteSo sorry you're going through this and it just doesn't seem to end. I can't imagine...
ReplyDeleteHugs to you.
xoxo