Relief on the horizon...

Last week was horrible. Well, the last 3 and a half weeks have been horrible. But last week was especially raw. Not only was our trip to Hawaii over with, but we were STILL dealing with this unresolved nightmare! I was depressed, numb, apathetic, unmotivated and worried. Was this going to threaten my health, well-being and cause further problems with fertility? On top of all that I couldn't (still can't) eat anything healthy, drink alcohol OR go in the sun. So let me get this straight...I'm still NOT pregnant and I can't even live my life normally for the next two weeks and enjoy the things that make me feel normal?! Sheesh what ELSE can go wrong? Wait....don't answer that.

This week I am finally seeing some kind of light at the end of this long, torturous tunnel. Monday, the beta finally dropped...still weird to say that. This means that my body is finally letting this go and beginning to return back to normal. The way I see it, the sooner it returns back to normal, the sooner we can move on, officially grieve this thing and figure out our next plan on action. As of May 10th it will be TWO months since we started this IVF process with nothing to show for it. Two months wasted. I am 36 and there is no time to lose!

To quote an expert blogger in the world of IF this experience is a "dark cloud with a silver lining". Meaning the fact that I was pregnant is a good sign that something did implant. The doctor said that as well. As I'm finally beginning to come back to the world of the living I'm seeing a glimmer of this silver lining and hoping our next try, what ever that may look like, will turn into gold.    

In the mean time I get to keep going to the pokey people (and not in a good way) to give more samples of my life essence so they can analyze it. Arm band, needle, gauze and band aid, here I come