Presence and Absence

Over this past week and a half we've been floating through our day still trying to wrap our brains around whether this is really happening or not. Because of the disappointments we've faced in the past we are hesitant to jump up and down yet. That's part of IF I suppose...it sort of robs you of that assured excitement; being able to POAS and run to show your DH that it worked after you've been trying for a few months; being able to just call up your OB and make an appointment for your first exam. Instead we have a feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop and for someone to tell us....sorry not this time...again.

Mr Bags came up with a great analogy the other day while we were discussing our feelings about this last week and a half. He told me that what he's feeling is compared to how he felt about the Gia.nts winning the Wor.ld Series. At first he just couldn't believe it and after being so disappointed time and time again he felt like he didn't quite have the presence of joy, but there was the absence of heartbreak. Once he had some time to let it sink in and after reliving the great moments from the final games, he finally could feel that "Joy" and celebrate. He is having that same experience now accept on a MUCH bigger scale. I told him he described what I am feeling too.

Once we pass our first and second u/s; further still (hopefully) reach that 12 week mark and ultimately when hold that baby in our arms we will be able to finally experience the "joy" of this good news and celebrate all that we have been striving for in these last 4 1/2 years. By the time this baby comes it will have been 5 years. I know for some it has been longer and for some shorter...I suppose it's all relative to your situation and perspective. Where ever you are I hope your dreams of becoming a parent come true very soon and that you can find the joy in it sooner that you think...